I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
