Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize