So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize