The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize