he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
