so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i drank out of a bidet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
