Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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