i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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