I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
