don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
