all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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