Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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