All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
