You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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You are a genius and a whore.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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