whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
