my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My pussy is not your playground.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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