whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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