So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
