If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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