Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is my life. Enjoy the view
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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