I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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