I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
