I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
