So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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