just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
