she was so not down for the gang bang
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
