girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
