Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
