Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
