Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
