is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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