so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
