I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
