dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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