i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
