Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm always down for nudity.
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