Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
