He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she woke up with a sticky ear
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
