yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i think i just lost a toe
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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