That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
