i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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