i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
