I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
