You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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