I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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