I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
