I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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