gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
