...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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