he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize