I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my sisters under your porch take her home
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
