We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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