You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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