i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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