She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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