4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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