My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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