I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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