If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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