the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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