Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
