I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
