Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
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