There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
