She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
