did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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