OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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