hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
