That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
