it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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