Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
