just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
