I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am one with the molecules
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
