go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
