Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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