I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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