We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
