Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
