He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
